February 24th: ""Welcoming" Back A-Roid*

For the first time in over a year, Alex Rodriguez has reported to the Yankees. He arrived at Spring Training this year in the hopes of reclaiming his spot in the lineup, after a full-season ban that kept him away from any and all baseball-related activities, at least as they pertained to the Yankees and Major League Baseball.

Meanwhile, the Bronx Bombers have purchased some insurance policies that render A-Rod’s services nearly useless. The signing of Chase Headley in free agency and the acquisition of Garrett Jones from the Marlins allow for options at both third base and DH, potentially leaving the former MVP and current Baseball Anti-Christ without a position to play.

This works out perfectly for the team, as they are able to use the best excuse in sports: compete at the highest level, or get lost. See, for the Yankees, they have the opportunity to compete with whoever brings the least drama and the most production. If that is Rodriguez, than great. They have the option of inserting one of the game’s best players (historically speaking), assuming he can re-learn to hit big league pitching after a year out of the league and, of course, assuming he can keep hitting without his steroids.

I have been a big advocate for a life ban for Alex Rodriguez. He is the epitome of everything that is wrong with baseball. He used steroids, cheated, bastardized the statistics of an entire generation of ballplayers who went about the game in the right way. He then proceeded to sue everyone in his path, throwing anyone and everyone he could find under the bus. He was classless. He was cruel. And he deserved to have his ability to play the game taken away.

To clarify, it isn’t the cheating I have the biggest problem with (although I will publicly shame anyone who degrades the game in that way). Jason Giambi cheated, and the fans accepted his apology and moved on. Andy Pettitte cheated, and everyone got over it, because he admitted his mistake. A-Rod’s biggest crime is that he cheated, THEN lied about it. When he was caught, he refused to admit he was wrong until the absolute latest opportunity, continually choosing to point fingers, rather than own his decisions.

Legally, you can’t take away someone’s career for being an ass, though, so here he is. The Yankees have too much money wrapped up in him not to bring him to camp, and he now has the chance to show whether or not he can keep playing the game that he so thoroughly jeopardized with his behavior.

Upon arrival at camp, Rodriguez subjected himself to about eight minutes of questioning from reporters. Many of the questions were various articulations of the same question: You’re a real jerk, aren’t you? Of course, they couldn’t ask in exactly those terms, but reporters struggled to find ways to articulate questions to which the answer could be anything more than “Yup. I’m a scumbag.”

But, of course, Alex Rodriguez will never truly admit he’s wrong without looking for a way to come out looking like the good guy (ain’t working so far, Alex). So he tiptoed almost as daintily around answering the questions as the reports did asking them.

There is a very simple solution that will solve all of these dilemmas, though. The simple answer is that we need to ignore anything and everything A-Rod does that doesn’t involve a baseball bat. He should be subjected to daily drug tests, and then judged strictly by his numbers. Reporters shouldn’t ask him questions. That right is reserved for players who can handle their business with some decorum.

The worst punishment Major League Baseball can give an egomaniac like Alex is to ignore him altogether. His entire identity should be reduced to a box score. No headlines. No interviews. No special reports. Just complete and total objectification of his skills as a ballplayer.

For someone who was willing to sacrifice his entire identity to hit a few more home runs, that is exactly what he deserves.